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[personal profile] becala
This weekend I got an elbow to the cheekbone, about a quarter of an inch from my eye socket. The bone is bruised, but the skin is not, so even though it hurts, I don't look bad. I was very close to getting my first ever black eye, though.

And it was, once again, from a little, tiny girl. For some reason, the only people that ever hurt me badly at shows are little girls. It's a combination of their extremely pointy elbows and the fact that they don't seem to understand that they could possibly hurt anyone. Oh, and also the Boyfriends that try to protect their ribcage/boob area from errant elbows by putting their arms around them, thus ramming THEIR elbows into my ribcage/boobs. GUESS WHAT I AM THE SAME FUCKING HEIGHT YOU FUCKING PRICK. Get your elbows out of my tits and let your girlfriend either take some shoves like a grown up or go STAND AT THE FUCKING BACK with all the other people who don't want to get hit. You're not even doing her any favors by "protecting" her anyway- it honestly hurts a fuck of a lot less to just run into peoples' torsos with your unprotected torso than to have an arm crush your ribs as someone rams into it from the other side.

Fuck, dude, I wasn't aware that being 5'2" was a fucking disability that required one to have a fucking ogre for a chaperon at all times. I guess I'd better not go to the bathroom without one, or I might raped on the way.

So yes, I was up near the front during Ensiferum, just to the left of the "calm" section, but not quite in the pit, which is how I like to be. A little bit of shoving, but not anything that will knock me off my feet if I'm not feeling up to it. Everything is going nicely until a girl who is, I swear to god, 5'10" comes running up front and starts jumping up and down and pumping her fists, bringing her elbow down on top of my head with each fist-pump. So I held my arm up to the side of my face to ward off her fist.

Unfortunately, having removed my arm from my side, where it usually is to protect my OWN fucking ribcage, I find that someone's arm is right up next to my side and keeps ramming me in the ribs. Eric had been standing right behind me, so I thought it was his, and reached my hand down to move his arm lower towards my hips or something. Turns out I was actually grabbing the arm of the guy next to me, who had his arms out to not just protect this super tall girl, but had them WAY out to either side of her so she could have plenty of room to jump around. And I hadn't noticed him because he was SHORTER than her. Anyway I ended up sort of caressing his arm before I realized it didn't belong to anyone I knew, then realized that I could never explain why I had done that or communicate to him to stop ELBOWING ME IN THE FUCKING TITS, so I just moved towards the back, where everyone was standing still.

On my way towards the back of the audience, I see a bunch of people standing around quietly, and then two people part, an elbow snakes through from below, and clocks me right on the cheekbone. There's this girl, way at the back where people are standing still, just FLIPPING her shit and doing some sort of modified punch-skank, and everyone around her is just taking the hits for some reason, even though they keep wincing in pain. I, on the other hand, after my head stops spinning due to the elbow in the face, grabbed the errant limb as it flew by me again, got right in her face (had to lean down, she was that short) and yelled, "Sweetie, watch your fucking elbows. If you're going to do that shit, go up there!" and pointed to the front where the pit was. She just stared at me with a drunken glaze over her eyes, so I grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her into the pit and didn't see her again.

There are a lot of tiny girls that come to metal shows who do not make/allow their big beefy (or even average sized) boyfriends to hurt others in order to "protect" them. Lots. And guess what, I see plenty of them get right up front and get to enjoy the show, and not get a black eye. All the time. The only girls that *do* come with attached ogre chaperon tend to be fucking retards who have never been to a show before in their lives and therefore hurt people by not knowing how to move around without breaking faces.

God dude, how hard is this? Elbows hurt. Keep them down and back. Take a wide stance to avoid flying across the room when you get bumped into. Don't lift your fist up in the air without knowing which way to swing when you take it back down without, you know, punching someone in the head. AND DON'T LET YOUR FUCKING BOYFRIEND ELBOW OTHER CHICKS IN THE TITS JUST TO PROTECT YOURS.

Date: 2011-02-14 08:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I went to Nile with an "Ogre Chaperon" as you put it, but that's because we both wanted to see the show, and I was still recovering from jaw surgery. Of course, I also have enough common sense to stay away from the mosh pit, and I'm 5'8". Said friend is at least 6'2", and he happily waded into the mosh pit at one point.

Of course, the crowd at Nile was polite enough to restrict the moshing and flailing to the mosh pit. If you weren't in the pit, you were safe.

Date: 2011-02-14 08:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Just showing up with a wookie sidekick is definitely not my complaint here. I have a 6'4" buddy that shows up with me a lot, and he has been known to toss a body or two if he sees me getting hit too much. But that is so different from bringing me right up to the front-center and making a Wall Of Arms around me.

I have also been in the middle of one of those walls of arms, a lot of years ago. But that was a big show, and a nu-metal show at that. Dude was protecting me from being actually crushed, not just gently hugged. Still, knowing what I know now I would have chosen to go stand at the back instead.

Date: 2011-02-14 08:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
The last time I saw Blind Guardian, I was right up front with Al and a couple friends. Al (who is shorter than I) somehow managed to encircle me AND my friend Jessica to protect us from the stupid moshers. He got the crap beaten out of his back and sides, and our other friend also got the crap beaten out of him.

Al's pretty good at keeping his elbows to himself when protecting me (if it's necessary.) More dudes need to learn how to do this. The only time the elbows should come out is if someone keeps intentionally bouncing into you.

I got buttsexed by two people at once at Sonata Arctica a few years ago. Not even my Pointy Elbows of Doom could save me there. I was not pleased. I gave my Ogre Chaperone (aforementioned 6'2" friend) a stern talking to about leaving me unprotected. XD

Date: 2011-02-14 08:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Please have your friend make an instructional youtube video about how to be chivalrous towards *all* the ladies at the show. I have never, ever seen a guy do the arm-wall and not hurt me with his arms when I get shoved into him, but if it's possible to do, I'd like more people to learn.

But it seems like most of my friends are not the type to protect me at shows. They seem more interested in picking me up and throwing me across the room. But I also keep coming back when they do that.

I don't mind the accidental dry hump. I just get pissed when they won't even make eye contact afterwards. Like hey, you were just rubbing your groin into my behind for an hour, can't you at least say hello?

Date: 2011-02-14 09:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I think the two (guy AND a girl) who were on my ass at the same time should have at least bought me flowers.

Date: 2011-02-14 11:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Heheh, yeah, I at least have the good grace to mouth, "sorry!" when I accidentally hump people. :)

Date: 2011-02-14 08:52 pm (UTC)
ext_283774: Made by me (Default)
From: [identity profile]
Yep, I feel your pain. Most guys when they're drunk stick to the walls, drunkenly headbanging, or go nuts in the pit. Girls on the other hand are shrieky, wave their hands everywhere and don't care who they whack. I don't mind the ogres so much as sometimes they need to keep a hold of their girl lest they get parted, but not because they're some delicate flower that must be protected.

As for the buttsexing, well it is a sausage fest out there, so can't blame the poor sods. A timely elbow can solve many problems...

Date: 2011-02-14 11:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I don't mind people looking out for their lady friends unless they are jamming their elbows into my torso and then glaring at me like it's my fault. I think I'm just irritable lately, though. I haven't ranted about this kind of thing in a long time.

Date: 2011-02-15 12:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
When I saw Agalloch back in December I apparently bumped into some guy's girlfriend..or something.
Anyway, this guy started waving his fist at me. I stared at him and unambiguously mouthed "what?" followed by "fuck you".
The little jerk made himself scarce for the rest of the evening.


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