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[personal profile] becala
This weekend I got an elbow to the cheekbone, about a quarter of an inch from my eye socket. The bone is bruised, but the skin is not, so even though it hurts, I don't look bad. I was very close to getting my first ever black eye, though.

And it was, once again, from a little, tiny girl. For some reason, the only people that ever hurt me badly at shows are little girls. It's a combination of their extremely pointy elbows and the fact that they don't seem to understand that they could possibly hurt anyone. Oh, and also the Boyfriends that try to protect their ribcage/boob area from errant elbows by putting their arms around them, thus ramming THEIR elbows into my ribcage/boobs. GUESS WHAT I AM THE SAME FUCKING HEIGHT YOU FUCKING PRICK. Get your elbows out of my tits and let your girlfriend either take some shoves like a grown up or go STAND AT THE FUCKING BACK with all the other people who don't want to get hit. You're not even doing her any favors by "protecting" her anyway- it honestly hurts a fuck of a lot less to just run into peoples' torsos with your unprotected torso than to have an arm crush your ribs as someone rams into it from the other side.

Fuck, dude, I wasn't aware that being 5'2" was a fucking disability that required one to have a fucking ogre for a chaperon at all times. I guess I'd better not go to the bathroom without one, or I might raped on the way.

So yes, I was up near the front during Ensiferum, just to the left of the "calm" section, but not quite in the pit, which is how I like to be. A little bit of shoving, but not anything that will knock me off my feet if I'm not feeling up to it. Everything is going nicely until a girl who is, I swear to god, 5'10" comes running up front and starts jumping up and down and pumping her fists, bringing her elbow down on top of my head with each fist-pump. So I held my arm up to the side of my face to ward off her fist.

Unfortunately, having removed my arm from my side, where it usually is to protect my OWN fucking ribcage, I find that someone's arm is right up next to my side and keeps ramming me in the ribs. Eric had been standing right behind me, so I thought it was his, and reached my hand down to move his arm lower towards my hips or something. Turns out I was actually grabbing the arm of the guy next to me, who had his arms out to not just protect this super tall girl, but had them WAY out to either side of her so she could have plenty of room to jump around. And I hadn't noticed him because he was SHORTER than her. Anyway I ended up sort of caressing his arm before I realized it didn't belong to anyone I knew, then realized that I could never explain why I had done that or communicate to him to stop ELBOWING ME IN THE FUCKING TITS, so I just moved towards the back, where everyone was standing still.

On my way towards the back of the audience, I see a bunch of people standing around quietly, and then two people part, an elbow snakes through from below, and clocks me right on the cheekbone. There's this girl, way at the back where people are standing still, just FLIPPING her shit and doing some sort of modified punch-skank, and everyone around her is just taking the hits for some reason, even though they keep wincing in pain. I, on the other hand, after my head stops spinning due to the elbow in the face, grabbed the errant limb as it flew by me again, got right in her face (had to lean down, she was that short) and yelled, "Sweetie, watch your fucking elbows. If you're going to do that shit, go up there!" and pointed to the front where the pit was. She just stared at me with a drunken glaze over her eyes, so I grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her into the pit and didn't see her again.

There are a lot of tiny girls that come to metal shows who do not make/allow their big beefy (or even average sized) boyfriends to hurt others in order to "protect" them. Lots. And guess what, I see plenty of them get right up front and get to enjoy the show, and not get a black eye. All the time. The only girls that *do* come with attached ogre chaperon tend to be fucking retards who have never been to a show before in their lives and therefore hurt people by not knowing how to move around without breaking faces.

God dude, how hard is this? Elbows hurt. Keep them down and back. Take a wide stance to avoid flying across the room when you get bumped into. Don't lift your fist up in the air without knowing which way to swing when you take it back down without, you know, punching someone in the head. AND DON'T LET YOUR FUCKING BOYFRIEND ELBOW OTHER CHICKS IN THE TITS JUST TO PROTECT YOURS.
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becala

May 2013

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