anxiety muffin

Marlys Marie Baalman 08.24.1978 - 05.27.2013

2013-05-29T17:53:27Z

Rest in Peace, Marlys.

My bartender for a short time, and my friend for much longer.
Inventor of the Tacotini, the most disgusting drink I have ever tasted.
One of the funniest motherfuckers I’ve ever known: witty and sardonic while simultaneously compassionate and unpretentious.
A perfect partner in crime to those with the wisdom to recognize your genius.

The world is dimmer without you in it.

I'll be playing some Steely Dan for you tonight.

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Calling all funny people who dislike racism.

2012-10-11T01:15:46Z

Steve Madden, a popular footwear designer, has named this boot "The Taco".

If I have to explain why this is offensive, you are not my target audience. Please move on.

It's for sale on Amazon. Rather than spend a lot of time and energy yelling about it, I think a more productive use of that energy would be to go write a satirical review. And also pass this on to encourage your funny friends to do so, as well.

A couple of notes about reviewing on Amazon: You *do* need to have an Amazon account, and to have purchased at least one item from the web site. It doesn't need to be the item you are reviewing. So no, not everyone can play, and yes, there is a certain lack of anonymity here, if you care very much about your Amazon review history. Amazon has pretty easy-going review policies and it is NOT their practice to take reviews down, but they do have some rules. Specifically prohibited are:

"Obscene or distasteful content
Profanity or spiteful remarks
Promotion of illegal or immoral conduct"

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Cool as Ice

2012-01-30T02:51:15Z

Recently, when I logged onto Netflix, on my recommendation list next to Trancers, The Big Lebowski, Louis CK, and The Dunwich Horror, was: Vanilla Ice: Cool As Ice.

No shit, Vanilla Ice. I don't know what the fuck I watched to make Netflix think I needed to see this film, but if their AI thinks I needs to watch it, who am I to argue? So I put it on. This trailer should give you an idea of what I was in for:

So I watched it. The whole thing. After the cavorting-in-a-construction-site scene, I almost gave up, but ended up making it through the whole thing.

And this is how I felt about it:

Oh my god those pants.

This film made it all the way through shooting, editing, and being released. By Universal Studios.

P.S. I swear I do not have a lazy eye, just the angle of the camera was weird or something.

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A few more Hellfest/France pics. No theme this time.

2011-07-06T23:52:13Z

Hadouken!

More visible orange action.

This guy had the best response to the multitude of flier-spammers: "I'm sorry, I can't read."

Yes, that happened.

This happened, too.

Bird carnage. The train conductor saw it, laughed, and left it there.

And then we went to the beach.

Erics.

Eric Duffy lookin' scruffy.

We found the "Bio" (organic) booth at the market.

I was really happy about it.

We ate stinky brain cheese on a stick. Dear god, it was divine. I think it was called Saint-Mar... Saint something with an M. Not Marie or Martin.

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Hellfest Pics: The "Oh, brah..." edition.

2011-06-30T21:08:49Z

Reference:

We now use terms form this video to reference having partied beyond our endurance.

That's my calf, complete with fingernail scratch from crowd-surfing during Judas Priest.

This one actually happened the first night of the fest, before there was even any music. Two bottles of wine!

Burghard smacks the lip.

Prelude to above picture. Those shoes belong to a married Australian girl. And no, he did NOT score, she just fell asleep in his tent. He woke up and pointed at her silently, mouthing, "Who the fuck is this?"

Offered without comment.

This is Damien, from Normandy. He was rad, but too drunk to either write down his email address, or dictated it to me. Seriously, too drunk to dictate. I have video that I will *not* post of him attempting to pee in the bushes and nearly failing.

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No, really, it's even worse than you think.

2011-02-16T20:23:39Z

I am gluten intolerant and have a "traditional" food allergy to corn.

When I tell people that I can't have wheat and other gluten-containing grains, and that I also can't have corn, the thing they focus on is the wheat. exclaiming that that must be OMGimpossible to avoid.

Actually, it's not that hard. Cross contamination is an issue, and I have only recently been figuring out how much of an issue it is. But still, with some reasonable hygiene practices, good planning, and small lifestyle changes, a gluten-free lifestyle is pretty manageable to me. It's not fun or easy, but it's possible to do.

Staying corn free? That is way harder than you think.

When I go to the pharmacy, it goes like this:

"Can you look at the ingredients on this medication and tell me if there is corn in it?"

"No, there's no corn in it."

"Really? What about that modified food starch?"

"That says 'food,' not corn."

"Corn is the most common 'food' for starch to come from.'"

"Well, here's an equivalent medication that doesn't list starch in it."

"But it's flavored with sucrose, which could also come from corn."

...and so on. In addition to thickeners, caking agents, flavors, and sweeteners, some people are sensitive enough to have to worry about calcium silicate and magnesium stearate, which are in like, every medication. Seriously, grab a handy bottle of any kind of pill and read the label.

I fortunately have never had a noticeable reaction to silicate/stearate or any of the more obscure additives like them. (The list of possible corn allergens has more items on it than I can possibly remember, so I just focus on the ones I've had reactions to.)

But I can't just take an aspirin or any other over the counter pill someone hands me. It has to be the right brand, one that I know I've used before without a reaction, and even then, I have to re-read the ingredients.

Once upon a time, I got a new prescription for allergy pills and they had corn starch in them. The antihistamine was blocking the allergy attack that it was causing. The allergy attack won in the end, but it was just a rash and minor asthma.

Note that I live a life where I say it was "just" an asthma attack. Just a period of being unable to breathe properly. No big deal, happens all the time.

Another weird gotcha that it took me several years and several inexplicable rashes/asthma attacks to figure out: ethanol and caramel color. No vanilla extract for me- I have to make my own from potato vodka, because the corn-based alcohol used to make vanilla extract has enough corn protein in it to give me an instant asthma attack. No sodas of any type- every cola with caramel color in it gives me an asthma attack and a mild rash.

I just went and took a look at the newest version of the Corn Free Foods and Products List. Take a look at it. There is one brand of toilet paper on it. One. Because all the other brands they have tried are dusted in corn starch, as paper products often are. I fortunately am able to use whatever toilet paper I want, and don't react to the corn starch most toilet papers are dusted with. But some people do.

I was just trying to find out about beers that aren't made with corn, since every beer I've tried so far gives me a rash. In my research, I happened upon a couple of depressing quotes from this blog post:

"As of this point in time, I do not know of any commercially available, corn free shampoo, conditioner, deodorant (with antiperspirant), or multi-vitamin. ."

"Though Corn Products International is happy to declare corn-derived 'Dextrose is used in intravenous fluids, pharmaceutical applications, vitamins, amino acids and alcohols' they do not label these items as “contains corn” and put those with a corn allergy in a position of serious health risk. Even for those with a mild allergy to corn, it can be incredibly dangerous to receive their allergen directly, intravenously!"

Wait... in IV fluid? Yes, really, in IV fluid. I need to get a medic alert bracelet. And I need it printed in a couple of languages. And even then it might not save me if the person administering the IV does not *happen* to be on the top of their game.

So yes, this allergy is pervasive, and something I have to be thinking about all day, every day. Every time I purchase, eat, or prepare food I have to read labels and examine surfaces and utensils for possible cross-contamination. On high-pollen days when my system is irritated, I can't even be in the same room with a bowl of popcorn without having a little bit of trouble breathing. I haven't yet had a noticeable reaction to topical products such as shampoos and toothpaste, but I can't be sure that I won't, ever.

I don't really want my allergies to be the focus of my life, or the topic of practically every conversation I have with people I'm meeting for the first time, but it has to be. I have to educate people as much as possible because I need their help in avoiding a reaction. I need to be constantly vigilant, because every time I eat something, take a medication, or rub something on my skin, I could be risking my life, and honestly I fail sometimes, so the more people I have that are willing help me be vigilant, the better.

I've had folks who are concerned and thoughtful save my ass before. And been grateful every single time.

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MERE INCHES.

2011-02-14T19:03:53Z

This weekend I got an elbow to the cheekbone, about a quarter of an inch from my eye socket. The bone is bruised, but the skin is not, so even though it hurts, I don't look bad. I was very close to getting my first ever black eye, though.

And it was, once again, from a little, tiny girl. ( cut for serious rage, with caps and everything )

There are a lot of tiny girls that come to metal shows who do not make/allow their big beefy (or even average sized) boyfriends to hurt others in order to "protect" them. Lots. And guess what, I see plenty of them get right up front and get to enjoy the show, and not get a black eye. All the time. The only girls that *do* come with attached ogre chaperon tend to be fucking retards who have never been to a show before in their lives and therefore hurt people by not knowing how to move around without breaking faces.

God dude, how hard is this? Elbows hurt. Keep them down and back. Take a wide stance to avoid flying across the room when you get bumped into. Don't lift your fist up in the air without knowing which way to swing when you take it back down without, you know, punching someone in the head. AND DON'T LET YOUR FUCKING BOYFRIEND ELBOW OTHER CHICKS IN THE TITS JUST TO PROTECT YOURS.

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Since I can't seem to think or read about anything but race lately...

2011-02-08T17:42:13Z

I shared this on Facebook, but probably nobody read it because it's long. A good read even if you belong to a marginalized population, because we do this to each other and to people from other groups, too.

link>> Derailing for Dummies

EXCERPT FROM THE INTRO:You know how it is. You’re enjoying yourself, kicking back and relaxing at the pub or maybe at the library; or maybe you’re in class or just casually surfing the internet, indulging in a little conversation. The topic of the conversation is about a pertinent contemporary issue, probably something to do with a group of people who fall outside your realm of experience and identity. They’re also probably fairly heavily discriminated against - or so they claim.
The thing is, you’re having a good time, sharing your knowledge about these people and their issues. This knowledge is incontrovertible - it’s been backed up in media representation, books, research and lots and lots of historical events, also your own unassailable sense of being right.

Yet all of a sudden something happens to put a dampener on your sharing of your enviable intellect and incomparable capacity to fully perceive and understand All Things. It’s someone who belongs to the group of people you’re discussing and they’re Not Very Happy with you. Apparently, they claim, you’ve got it all wrong and they’re offended about that. They might be a person of colour, or a queer person. Maybe they’re a woman, or a person with disability. They could even be a trans person or a sex worker. The point is they’re trying to tell you they know better than you about their issues and you know that’s just plain wrong. How could you be wrong?

Don’t worry though! There IS something you can do to nip this potentially awkward and embarrassing situation in the bud. By simply derailing the conversation, dismissing their opinion as false and ridiculing their experience you can be sure that they continue to be marginalised and unheard and you can continue to look like the expert you know you really are, deep down inside!

And now a request... anyone got any good links along these lines? I'd especially like a well-written Sensitivity 101, something concise that won't fall into the tl;dr category if I share it on Facebook. I know, pipe dreams. But it could exist.

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These heavy metal nerds need your help!

2011-01-07T17:18:56Z

Okay guys, I am totally soliciting, but it's for a good cause:

Pledge These Guys Some Money!!!!

If you don't want to or can't watch that video, I'll explain it. But I highly encourage you to watch it, as you will be immediately charmed.

The guys in Evangelist have an entire new album, Self Confidence!, recorded and mixed, and have the album artwork all ready to go. I have only heard the material from this album live, but I am already in love with it. As I've mentioned before, they have amazing song titles such as "You Have Very Soft Hands," and "Marriage Equality." Also forthcoming on the new album is a song called "Gay Rage," which is "a tirade against religious opposition to gay rights." In addition to the fantastic titles and themes, they also play really great progressive/thrash/death metal. Their sound is sort of all over the place, but I find that to be charming.

So basically, these guys are rad, their music is great, and the themes are something I can really get behind.

Official Evangelist Website

Evangelist on MySpace

The problem is, it's going to cost them $1500 to have this album mastered and pressed. They have about $15 between them.

So they've started up a Kickstarter page to ask for pledges to help them out with this cost. The way it works is this: Their goal is $1500. You pledge anywhere from $1 to all $1500, and there are varying levels of rewards you receive for your pledge. At $1, you get a pre-release mp3 from their new album. At $2, you get the mp3, and a high-five from every member of the band. The prizes increase in awesomeness and silliness from there, including phone calls on your birthday, free admission into any show they play, a thank you note with a hand-drawn Predator on it, an originally composed song of the title and theme of your choosing, and an exorcism and faith-healing should you choose to donate $666 dollars or more.

The catch is, if they do not receive enough pledges to meet their $1500 goal, they do not get ANY money. This means that you also don't pay any money unless they reach their goal. So come on, if you like what these guys do at ALL, go promise them a spare dollar or two. That's less than the cost of a latte.

And now, one more video of a live performance, just in case you aren't convinced they are worth it:

No, really, go pledge a buck or two!

Oh, also, they are playing a TON of dates over the next little while, including Bellingham TONIGHT (Jan 7), and Portland this Sunday.

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What to eat instead of cheese.

2010-12-21T19:21:29Z

Important piece of background info: I am allergic to casein (the protein found in dairy products), as well as corn protein. I am also gluten intolerant.

Is there a 12 step program for cheese addiction?

I asked this question once, and my partner at the time was like, "Sure, it's called Overeaters' Anonymous." The thing is, I don't truly have an eating disorder. I have some body issues--what American woman over 30 doesn't--and have certainly had periods of my life where I've had a less healthy relationship with food than is desirable. But these days I have a healthy self-esteem and little need to control my life through food other than to make sure I don't have an anaphylactic reaction and, you know, die. Having known folks with actual eating disorders, I am pretty positive that what I'm dealing with is very different.

My issue with cheese and other dairy products is that I have a strong desire for the immediate physiological reaction I have when I eat it. There are no studies I can find to support this, but the claim that casomorphins and gliadomorphins in wheat and dairy produce an opioid effect in the brain and therefore are addictive is becoming increasingly popular. As I said, I can find no hard science to support this, I only know what I personally experience.

When I eat dairy or gluten, the immediate (within 1-2 minutes) effect is one of relaxation and calm. My pupils dilate, I instantly feel a bit dizzy, but at the same time safe and very, very relaxed. In the case of gluten, the negative effects kick in in about 15 minutes: first bloating and stomach cramps, then within a couple of hours, rashes and body aches. Over the next several days, the body aches continue while the GI distress works its way--ahem--downwards. I have also noticed cognitive effects, where I feel sluggish and generally emotionally delicate for a day or two afterwards, and I do not have these symptoms when I do not eat gluten.

The thing is, with dairy, I experience the immediate pleasant effects, and the negative effects are very far removed from the act of eating. If I eat a slice of cheese, I feel immediately comforted. One could claim that this is psychological, however if I increase the amount and eat say, and half a pound of cheese, there is absolutely no question that I am *high*. Dilated pupils, dizziness, and yes, the nods. In the middle of the afternoon, when I've had plenty of sleep already. I've never done heroin, but I've taken plenty of prescription opioids. The effect is very similar.

I don't experience any negative effects from the dairy until the following day. I will have inflamed sinuses and increased mucous production when no other food or environmental factors have changed, and occasionally a mild but tolerable rash. Within 3 days, I will have large, painful, subdermal comedones that take weeks to go away completely. The number and severity will be directly proportional to how much dairy I ate.

I didn't want to believe that this was the cause, so I've repeated this experiment many times. I do have a tendency towards acne regardless of what I eat, but those particular types of cysts do NOT appear if I don't eat dairy.

The thing is? I CRAVE it, especially if I am feeling stressed or depressed, and in classic addiction style, it's difficult for me to just have a small amount- if I have one slice of cheese, I end up eating the whole freaking block. It's the worst late at night, when my self-control is compromised. Seriously, quitting cigarettes is easier for me than quitting cheese.

I've been fairly good about it in the last few months, in part because Eric's been really supportive at my request, reminding me in a nice way how good my skin has been looking lately and pointing out that I'm going to feel like crap the next day. I've also found that eating snacks that have a similar fat and salt content will help stave off the craving, at least a little.

So here's a list of things to do instead of eating cheese. It's mostly for me, because I had a "weak moment" last night and ate my housemate's entire box of Laughing Cow, and will have to replace it today and try to stay the hell away from it this time. But maybe there are other folks in my situation who will find it helpful:

Olives. Fat and salt galore.

Microwave "nachos" (in my case on rice crackers or rice tortillas) with Daiya cheese* on top.

Avocados. On GF bread, crackers, or just on its own with a bit of balsamic vinaigrette or salsa.

Peanut or almond butter. I actually spread this on a rice tortilla and then pan-fry it in oil when I'm really feeling like I need a slice of sharp cheddar. I also dress these grilled sandwiches up with onions, garlic, and hot sauce. Yes, with peanut butter. It's totally good.

Wayfare Foods' "We Can't Say It's Cheese" spreads.** Once again, not cheap, but pretty durn tasty. Also, much lower in fat and calories than an actual cheese spread.

Yeah, the list is short right now. I'm looking for suggestions and will add to this list as I find things that work.

* The number one product that has saved my butt: Daiya vegan cheese is free of casein, lactose, soy, gluten, and corn, and is actually tasty. Expensive, but tasty. It also has a higher fat content than the same amount of cheddar, which is not good for the waistline, but it helps with the craving. Unfortunately, this is something that's only really good on or in stuff, not so much as a snack on its own.

**One of Wayfare's product reps told me that the source of citric acid in their "sour cream" product is from corn. This leads me to believe that it probably is in their spreads, too, but I haven't yet reacted. Just a warning for folks that are corn-allergic.

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Fun, fun, fun.

2010-11-12T20:41:04Z

Wow, I forgot this even happened. This was at Red 7 on Sunday, the same afterparty where Landmine Marathon melted my face off. It is absolutely AMAZING what some good lighting will do for you. Even Eric's 3 chins (due to weird position, not actual fat) look attractive.

Hey, schmoo, was this photoshopped, or is the lighting the trick here? I need a personal photographer to just follow me around to every show where I'm drunk and fabulous and catch candid shots of me being awesome. Though actually, I was not drunk yet- I am holding my first drink of the night, and it is clearly full.

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The BOMB.

2010-11-10T20:45:13Z

This is Eric's knuckle. The tattoo is a reference to our time in France, where we saw Kiss at Hellfest. You may or may not know this, depending on your familiarity with said supergroup, but Paul Stanley is a stage banter GOD. Witness:

So one of his amazing pieces of stage banter from the show was to tell us, in his effeminate falsetto, that he was going to "give you THE BOOOOOMB," and kiss his hand, then make a dropping motion with his thumb and forefinger towards the audience. He said this several times, and the last time he said, "I'm gonna give you THE BOOOMMMMB, so you can feel me OUT THERE..." and then flew, on wires, out over the audience several hundred feet. No shit. The BOMB. Plus the usual fireworks and confetti and whatnot. None of us realized that we were that stoked on seeing Kiss until they were actually playing, and then all these super-kvlt black metal kids were having a drunken circle pit in the beer garden while they played "God Gave Rock n' Roll to You." Yes, the song from Bill & Ted's.

What the tattoo actually is about, though, is not just Kiss, just about unexpectedly AWESOME times. And that's what we had this last weekend.

I mean, the fest was called FUNFUNFUNfest, so of course it was going to be fun. But no, it was FUCKING GOD DAMN AWESOME. And of course everyone that we told about this fest kept assuming it was a metal fest, despite the fact that when I told them about it, I used many words to explain that it was a festival full of bands who had nothing in common other than being FUN. But I guess if I'm going, it must be heavy metal.

Anyway, highlights of the fest:

Weird Al Yankovic! Holy shit, that guy is 51 and can still rock kick over his HEAD. This is what a vegan lifestyle and lots of exercise can do for you, folks. I don't know if it will help you be as funny as him, though. :)

GWAR. This was actually my first time seeing them, and probably the best of all possible circumstances in which to see them. I was able to get within 6 feet of the stage and NOT get beaten to a bloody pulp, which is unheard of at Gwar shows. I probably could have gotten all the way to the barricade, but I actually don't like riding the barricade because I get a barricade shaped bruise on my belly from people pushing. I'd rather be 2-3 people back and be running into soft bodies instead. This was also an extra special performance, because they disemboweled Sarah Palin onstage. And ate a troll penis, but I think they do that often enough at their shows. I saw them on Saturday night. It is now Wednesday, and this morning I cleaned my ears and the q-tip came out with red and green food dye on it.

Peelander Z.

So. Many. Mike. Dude, they dress up like Power Rangers, climb the stage, engage in plushy Guitar Squid Bowling out in the audience, recruit their audience members to play their instruments, and yell happy things at us in broken Engrish. All to a power-pop-punk soundtrack. What could be more fucking fun?

DESCENDENTS. Holy shit, I srsly did not realize that I was so stoked on them. But they played all the singalongs: Cheer, Sour Grapes, Clean Sheets, Bikeage. I flipped my shit and lost my voice.

Landmine Marathon and Punk Rock Karaoke. There was a free afterparty on Sunday at the Red 7. Folks were on stage indoors doing karaoke to the Cramps and the Misfits, and outdoors, these guys played:

Their songs are mostly faster and less doomy, more thrash with some hardcore influence, but I couldn't find a good youtube video of any of those. This one has fantastic sound. But yeah, Sandra totally got in the pit, which shocked the hell out of me. There were about 6 people moshing, and somehow I got more hurt than I had the entire weekend in those gigantic crowds. One guy got knocked the fuck out. Heheh. Minor downer was the fact that the audience members found themselves unable to comment on anything about the vocalist other than her appearance. Girl screams better than many large men, but the most important thing about her is that she's "a babe." Which she is, and she totally capitalizes on it as a vocalist and a performer, but still. It shouldn't be that difficult to notice that she is also talented.

Oh, and Burghard and I did not fight all weekend. Bonus.

So yes, I'm home, and exhausted. And now lunch is over, so I have to go play more catchup.

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THESE ARE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS.

2010-11-04T18:53:51Z

Have packed for my trip to Austin. Did not pack one pair of pants. For modesty's sake in potential moshing situations, I did pack booty shorts/leggings to wear underneath them.

Problem: My usual fest gear rotates around being able to attach items to my belt. Skirts do not have belt loops, thus creating potential for belt to ride up to boobie level and have to be constantly adjusted, or just plain fall off due to the way the buckle is constructed. Do I sew belt loops on on the plane, or give up and wear the dreaded pants?

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Halloweiner 2010

2010-11-01T19:57:28Z

( moar pictures )

These pictures actually depict two days of events. Day 1 was the Ceremonial Castings record release show, as mentioned. This was fun, but I unfortunately was trying to party as if I hadn't just spent two weeks sicker than a dog, and ended up barfing after about 3 drinks. :( Suspect Michael from Alda--and many others that only see me at shows--thinks I am a dumbass or at least kinda shallow, but don't really care. Much.

Was smart and stayed sober for night #2. I am totally capable of rocking out sober, however I tend to notice it more when I say something really weird and people say, "Um, okay." and then find some excuse to walk away. So that happened a couple of times, but whatevs. Everyone else probably got drunk and forgot anyway.

Highlights (both positive and negative):

Every single band on the bill at the release party. Holy crap, all my favorites, all sounding freaking great.

Pillowfight during Evangelist's set. Except the pillows smelled like pee, because the floor of the Morgue mostly smells like pee.

Ubik playing dressed as Devo. They of course covered Whip It as part of their set.

Michelle of Ubik falling down spectacularly TWICE: Once during her set, I think actually while she was singing Whip It. She just stayed down and finished the song on her back while bicycle kicking the air/her boyfriend's thighs. Fall #2 was only witnessed by me and maybe 1 other person. She was standing on a long padded bench at the back of the venue while everyone was watching the band. Turns out the bench part was not actually nailed in any way to the box that held it up, so when she stepped forward onto the edge, the whole thing flipped over. I'm not entirely sure what happened with her body, but somehow the bench part came forward, and she ended with her ass *inside* the bench box, and her head and feet sticking out of either side. Fortunately there were no sharp nails or anything sticking out of it, so she was just massively bruised the next day.

It wasn't intentional, but my corpsepaint did end up strongly resembling King Diamond. It has been suggested that I open a restaurant in Olympia called King Diamond Chicken. The hot dog booth at Jake's should be renamed to Full Metal Hotdog.

Unfortunate and annoying drama that I will not post about publicly. Fortunately I was able to very quickly sidestep it with a minimum of involvement.

Some asshat knocked the side mirror off my car while it was parked in the U District on the second night. It was on the side that was near the sidewalk, so I'm guessing that someone just went down the line of cars with a baseball bat. Dick. Ballpark over the phone is that it's going to cost about $350 to fix, which is below the deductible on my insurance, so no love on that. :(

I probably have some more to say, but I'm still tired from all the rocking out.

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Beer Metal Rain Camp: WesStock 2010

2010-09-20T20:24:35Z

d0rks.

So Wes's uninspired name of "2 Nights of Metal in the Forest," became more aptly titled "Wes Stock." For some reason he didn't like the title change, but really couldn't do anything about it. We also called it "BearwoodStock," since Bearwood is his last name, but somehow that extra syllable was too hard for the drunk folks.

( moar musing on what makes a good outdoor show and way-in-advance planning for my birthday )

What a fucking awesome weekend. I feel sorry for all the wusses that didn't come out because "it might rain." Though I do suspect that the reason *why* it was so much fun is that only hardcore people who don't give a fuck about getting a little bit wet showed up. It was just a bonus that most of us were able to stay dry.

When we showed up on Friday, I was a bit worried that it was going to be entirely lame. We arrived at about 7pm, and at that time there was just Wes and the guys from Decapitated Corpses, who are all about 19 years old, standing under the canopy looking dejected.

That is me on the far right.

But then right after Eric and I set up our tent and hung an improvised rain canopy near one of the fire pits, the Heavy Metal Short Bus showed up. Seriously, an actual small-sized school bus came screeching into the camp, running roughshod over boulders and crashing through bushes. It finally dumped out a bunch of metalheads holding backpacks and tents, and then proceeded to screech further up the mountain at about 40 mph. Backwards. Around hairpin turns. WHAT.

( lots more pictures + the rest of the weekend here )

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TOO TIRED TO ROCK.

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MAGGOT FIGHT

2009-07-21T16:47:43Z

Beneath a sky of maggots I walked
Until those maggots began to fall
I gaped at God to receive my gift
Bathed in maggots till the planet shit
--Gwar, "Maggots"

So yesterday morning, I noticed that my dog had pulled a few things out of the trash during the night, as he has been doing lately. This is a problem, but not a huge problem, so I've been putting off dealing with it. Additionally, I haven't really been able to catch him in the act, which is what I need to do to prevent the behavior. Since I was in a rush, I simply put the few items that were on the floor back in the very full trash can and went to work.

When I got home from work that evening, Kuma had knocked the entire fucking thing over, and every single item in the trash can was on the kitchen floor. I noticed that a few of these items were leftover mexican food and leftover bbq meat from the previous weekend, but didn't consider what that might mean until I picked up a plastic bag and saw a SEETHING, SQUIRMING PILE OF MAGGOTS, which then scattered unbelievably quickly, trying to make their way to a dark, hidden place.

I think many people would be freaked out by a squirming pile of maggots, but I, especially, have a phobia. See, back in like, 2003 or so, I [may have] accidentally ingested some pantry moth larva. At the time that I [possibly] ingested them, I was not actually that upset: I said "Hey, free protein!" and shrugged it off. But over the course of the next several days, I began to have more and more trouble eating. I would remember looking down and seeing several squiggling white worms on my plate, and suddenly everything would taste like sawdust. Over the course of the next several years, I've let this fear of squiggling wormy things turn into a full on phobia.

So, when I saw the pile o' maggots, I screamed like a girl and immediately dialed Eric, who did not at first understand the severity of the situation. He first of all didn't realize just how many god damn worms there were (the picture does not capture it, as I did not think to get a camera out until the situation was under control) and secondly did not understand that I was panicked. I am usually a pretty level-headed person, so often people are shocked when I get hysterical. And also me being "hysterical" is probably calmer than a lot of people on a good day.

But I was hyperventilating and crying, and once he realized that I was not doing so well, he did his best to be supportive boyfriend guy, making jokes and reading me Cannibal Corpse lyrics while I tried various methods of killing them. Man, those fuckers move FAST, and are incredibly hard to kill. I even tried just grabbing (squirming, disgusting) handfuls of them and putting them back in the trash, but they would crawl out unbelievably quickly and end up back on the floor. I tried pouring bleach on them, but that just made them move fast.

In the end, I put plastic bags over the top of them and stomped on them, grape-smushing style. This was not as effective as you would think, though, as they curl up like pill-bugs when stomped and seem to survive if you don't really grind your heel in. So every once in a while, I would see a lone maggot making its way out of the central trash pile towards the cupboards and would scream, "Where the fuck do you think YOU'RE GOING!" and stomp it to death.

Gosh, I wish someone had caught this on video.

Jason came home after I got the last of the maggots (I hope) and mopped the floor for me. Then I went out and drank some whiskey. Though after my second drink, the adrenaline left me and I crashed HARD and ended up home and in bed by 9pm. And now I am well-rested and have this awesomely disgusting story to tell you all.

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Fish. Balls.

2009-07-14T04:58:12Z

fish balls, originally uploaded by chrysslyn.

I put them in soup. Yes, I did.

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Trap Them & Skeletonwitch @ Chop Suey

2009-07-10T16:47:42Z

Dear Seattle Metal Fans,

I thought you were entirely lame, but last night you proved me wrong.

Love, Becca

Skeletonwitch

The awesomeness, in list format:

Skeletonwitch was amaze-time live. The sound was good at this show (which it was apparently not when they played the Funhouse recently), and of course the musicians were awesome. While I knew the vocals were going to be FUCKING SICK, Chance Garnett was seriously entertaining to watch as well as to listen to. I like it when he beats his chest. Even if his interspersed comments about wanting some weed or women to present themselves to him after the show were pretty fucking annoying, he still put on an awesome show.

Trap Them was motherfucking awesome, as well. Even though only four of us seemed to be into them at all, while everyone else stood around with their arms crossed looking self-conscious. The music sounded as rage-filled as on the album, and the vocalist was seriously into what he was doing. Also, he totally chose to stagedive directly onto wee Eric, who was standing mostly by himself. That was nearly bloody.

Unlike many Seattle metal shows, there were tons of women there, and not "girlfriends" or "vampire queens." Cap Hill hipsters, sure, but they were at least there for the music and not a dude, and were dressed to do something other than stand at the way back and try not to fall off of their platform shoes.

Becca Convention: In addition to Cap Hill hipsters, there were at least two other women who were interested in rocking out, both of whom were also named Becca. We were all in the pit for Skeletonwitch, and one of them totally headbutted me by accident. It was hilarious.

There were NO idiots doing the nazi stomp in the pit! Though there was also no one willing to truly start a circle pit, either. The singer kept calling for an old-school circle pit, and no one was freaking doing it. I thought about doing a round or two just to show them how it's done, but I fell victim to the same lame self-consciousness as everyone else.

And today, I only hurt a little. My neck muscles are not nearly as sore as they have been from rocking out not nearly as hard. I think the alcohol helped- self-induced whiplash is less likely if you are relaxed. :) I do, however, have a killer bruise on my shin and inexplicable trouble moving my left ankle. I was wearing Chucks to the show because I forgot my boots in Olympia, and I probably got kicked/stepped on quite a few times.

Should you wish to check out either band:
Skeletonwitch: Beyond the Permafrost

Trap Them: Seizures in Barren Paradise

So um, buy it if you like the preview, eh?

Skeletonwitch

Skeletonwitch - hands summoning the riffs from the guitar.

Trap Them

All photos in this post were stolen from Josh Manderville, who is a genius with his iPhone.

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They are cutting my hours at work...

2009-06-18T22:26:55Z

... starting next week.

Right now they're being cut across the department evenly. This sucks, but will be okay, I think. Except I don't start school till next september, so right now I am just getting less pay and there is no educational benefit to it. But when school starts, I will be getting exactly as many hours as I want, and other people in the department will be able to work a more normal amount of hours because of it.

I think I will just try to enjoy the extra time off until school starts. And try to not spend as much money as I have been, somehow. Sigh.

It'll be okay, as long as both the housemates keep paying rent. I might have to get a third rather sooner than I thought, which I am not looking forward to. Will be doing spreadsheets and shit this weekend. Along with baking pies.

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Mmmf.

2009-06-12T01:40:48Z

There needs to be a pho place that delivers.

I'm partied out. I had plans to see Afton this evening, but we rescheduled for the next time she comes through town because I'm just too fucking tired. Going to locate some food and curl up and watch some Lucio Fulci with my dog.

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Brah.

2009-06-11T19:14:56Z

Show last night was motherfucking awesome. Even though all the good opening acts dropped, the guys they got to fill the bill weren't so bad. In fact, I was pleasantly surprised by both Rumplestiltskin Grinder and Sothis. Neither of them were.. em.. something I'd come out to see on purpose, but it could have been worse. Much worse.

Absu kicked my ass all over the place, of course. I rocked out hard, but Phil (I think that is his name?) from Drakul wins the prize for having the BEST TIME. Oh my god. Dude whipped me in the face with his hair so many times, and was like, totally falling all over everyone he was rocking out so hard. After the last song, I gave him a big fucking hug for being so awesome.

In other news, the "Fuck me Jesus" Marduk shirt I inherited from my black metal big brother got a lot of compliments. :)

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Pure Fucking Armageddon.

2009-06-08T22:01:59Z

Friday night I went to BlackenedFest in Seattle: Mayhem headlined, along with Cephalic Carnage, Cattle Decapitation, and Withered. Er, there were two other bands that we didn't see, but I really don't care.

Friday afternoon I took off from work early and went up to selfish and zahgurim's house in West Seattle. I've known those two for, shit, nine years now, and visiting them always feels like visiting family to me. We spent some quiet time in the house with the dogs, during which I gained the title of Black Metal Grandma when I admitted that I always carried a baggie of spare earplugs to shows in case any of my friends had forgotten theirs.

Black Metal Grandma says:
"Did you remember to eat dinner?"
"Do you need earplugs? I have extras!"
"How are your bowel movements? Are you getting enough fiber?"

Note that this has to be said in a very nasal fake east coast accent. I may well do a phone post to demonstrate.

We had a nice family dinner at a little hole-in-the-wall Pho place down the street, and then it was time for the family trip to the show. When we got into the car, zahgurim said, in his best Dad voice: "Everyone buckled in? Time for metal!"

The show was incredibly early: doors were at 5:30! We managed to arrive at the venue late, but just in time for Withered, which was pretty much the only opening band I really gave a shit about. We all started out together on the balcony area, away from the crowd, but a song or two into Withered's set, I just couldn't deal with not being down in the crowd anymore. Not only was there better visibility for me, but I really do like to be close to--though not quite in the middle of--the action. They were damn good live, though not as mind-blowingly awesome as I'd hoped for. I like their album, Memento Mori, quite a bit; I really should have picked up Folie Circulaire at the show, but of course it did not occur to me.

Cattle Decapitation was much better than I expected; the whole band clearly means it, and the vocalist is quite a sight to behold. The faces he makes are just amazing. Seriously. Cephalic Carnage was quite good as well, though the heavy stoner theme was not my bag. I just don't really get "pot culture" and people who want to talk about smoking pot all of the time, especially as banter between sets. But the music was good, and I did rock out aplenty. In fact, I rocked out so hard that my messenger bag got briefly moshed *off* of me, and I had to retrieve it from the floor without getting stepped on.

Yes, I regularly go to shows wearing glasses and a messenger bag with pink miso and sushi on it and then hang out right on the edge of the pit and play guardian.

But Mayhem were my reason for being there, and they did not disappoint. In addition to the (literally) awesome music, the stage show was fantastic. Attila stayed in character for the whole set, only speaking in a metal growl, with his robe and noose and other accessories. The combination of the music and the theatrics had me FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. In fact, I got so fucking excited towards the end of the set that I accidentally headbutted the guy in front of me during a mutually mistimed headbang, punched some chick in the back of the head with my invisible grapefruit, and then when the wee kid next to me got knocked into me by the pit, threw an arm around him and insisted that he rock out with me for the rest of Pure Fucking Armageddon.

Both photos stolen and shamelessly hotlinked from Gravemusic Gallery.

I crashed at selfish and zahgurim's house for the night, and then we had some breakfast together before I left around 11am the next day.

selfish's quotables, post-show:

[When talking about insecure teenagers who are clearly dressed up special for the show sizing her up.]
"I'm judging you WAY HARDER."

["Over breakfast" is the only context you get here.]
"Big butts gets mans."

I really need to get some screen printing supplies soon and make some t-shirts.

I managed to continue rocking out in one way or another until Sunday/the wee hours of Monday, when I attended a tiny little show at Sizizis where Chris played some of his new solo music, in the general vein of dark/apocalyptic folk. But this post is getting entirely too long, so I'll leave the story of the rest of my weekend for another time.

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Fam.

2009-06-05T06:05:16Z

IMG_0542, originally uploaded by chrysslyn.

Dad, sister Sirikon, stepmom Somying

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Oooh....

2009-06-04T18:05:34Z

I've got a +1 for that Jason Webley show, yes I do. My favorite pretentious polyglot bookworm is threatening to haul his ass over from Boise in July to attend this show with me.

YOU'D BETTER NOT BE FUCKING WITH ME, BEN!!!

I was already excited for this show. Now I am excited +2.

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Music that puts everything back together.

2009-06-03T08:02:00Z

I've posted about this artist before, but I like him so much that I'm doing it again.

Jason Webley is a musician from Seattle who started out as a street performer, playing guitar, accordion, and a vodka bottle filled with coins. His music is best described as a blend of folk, punk, and gypsy rock. Some of his work has been compared to Tom Waits, mostly because of his gravely vocals. His live performances usually incorporate pranks, props, and audience participation, and in my opinion are worth attending whether you like the kind of music he makes or not.

( Videos of his work behind this cut. )

Here's the thing. I haven't seen Jason Webley since his release party for the Eleven Saints single in 2006. That night, a boy broke my heart in about a thousand pieces in the cursed driveway of my friend's rental house, which coincidentally was owned by one of Jason's very good friends. This heartbreak took me quite a while to recover from. Sometimes I'm still not sure I'm completely recovered from it. Since then, I have unconsciously and illogically associated his shows with that heartbreak. It isn't like I've outright refused to go see a show, I just haven't, you know, gone out of my way.

This year, though, Jason's big show promises to be too much to miss. Among other amazing artists, Amanda Palmer of the Dresden Dolls will be part of the show. As much as I like his recorded music, it's really the live performances that make him such a fantastic artist. He's an excellent showman at any time, but when he goes all-out for his big shows, it's really something special. This is, after all, the guy who was banned from Bumbershoot for baptizing people in the fountain, and staged a pirate invasion of Bainbridge Island.

He has this way of connecting with his audiences' inner child and bringing them into his world. Which is how, at his Halloween show in 2004, I ended up wearing a headband--hachimaki style, with a tomato on it instead of a rising sun--and raising my fist in the air with the rest of my fellow flag-waving, headband-wearing tomato warriors, singing "Tomaaaay-ay-ay-to!"

To illustrate the types of antics he instigates: After the show, we walked to the the nearby park and engaged in rituals at different stations along the way, ending in a theatrical "death" that involved a giant paper-mache tomato. (If you look reaaaaally closely at the picture below, you can see my head, with blue and black dreadlocks, in the lower right-ish, looking up at the aforementioned boy.)

All photos from this show taken by Michael Hanscom

Once I decided that I was going to go to this show, I went out and bought his newest full-length release, The Cost of Living, and listened to it in my car this morning.

I'm really, really bad at reviewing music other than saying that I liked it or not. So I'll just say this: I was teary the entire time I listened to it. Maybe it was hormones, or maybe it was the sunscreen I was wearing dripping into my eyes, or maybe it really was the music.

In any case, if you are in the Seattle area, or you can get to the Seattle area easily, I highly encourage you to attend this show. I think it will sell out, so you should get advance tickets here. I already have two, though I don't know yet who's coming with me. Someone will, and even if they didn't want to in the first place, they'll thank me later.

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