George Lucas, you are such a fucking tool.

I'm watching A New Hope right now because I am positive that I have seen, in one of the original trilogy, a scene wherein: Luke exits a spacecraft and runs to Leia, who shouts "Luke!" When he goes to hug her, he holds out his arms and says, "Carrie!" I am pretty sure it's a New Hope, but I just can't remember. And of course no one believes me. Of course, I may not find it because it may have been corrected in the bullshit remastered versions.

I had the original, un-remastered trilogy on VHS, but an acquaintance of mine borrowed them years ago because his girlfriend had never seen them, then moved a few times, and then when I remembered who borrowed them, he had no memory of having borrowed them and in fact had gone and bought his own copies. Fuuuucccckkk.

Here are the things I wonder when I watch these films:

1) Why, why, WHY did he have to "improve" something that was so well-loved by so many people? My inner four-year old is hurt and betrayed.

2) After I paid money to go see the remastered A New Hope in the theater, why did I not only go BACK for the re-release of Empire, but go see THE NEXT FOUR FILMS in the theater? WHY?

This is a textbook abusive relationship. When everything was good, it was really good. I was completely infatuated and became emotionally dependent. Then the first time he hurt me, I made excuses for him and told myself that he wouldn't do it again. He couldn't possibly. He's truly a good man inside. And then he did it again. And again. And I kept going back for more. I managed to separate from him for a while, but here I am, punishing myself yet again.

I just can't set aside the good memories. I wish it could be like it used to.